In my eulogy for my partner Tim (pictured), I wrote, “It isn’t fair to try to condense the love you have for someone into a few words. Mere words are not sufficient to describe the deep love you had for someone or your breaking heart when they are so cruelly taken from you far too early.” I find myself in the same position writing to thank you and your team for all the support and help they gave Tim and me; mere words are not sufficient.

Tim and I were both police officers in London when we met over 30 years ago and had been together ever since. When I retired in 2013, we moved to Cumbria and bought what was to be our forever home. Sadly, in September 2015 Tim caught Meningitis and six weeks later he was released from intensive care with an acquired brain injury. The main result of this was a complete loss of his memory regarding everyone and everything his life had consisted of, and worse an inability to make new memories which lasted more than three days. But we struggled through with the ‘new normal’. Sadly, Tim was also in the top three patients with the worst sinus issues in the country, but he fought through everything, frequently leaving me in awe of his resilience. Alas, in August 2022 while in hospital for a sinus operation it was discovered that Tim had untreatable and inoperable kidney cancer.

It was about this time as my own mental state began to deteriorate that my doctor recommended me to your bereavement team in spite of my reluctance. Police officers, even retired ones, don’t need help; how wrong I was. I suppose my letter should be split into two parts. The first is to thank Alison, the bereavement counsellor who has been supporting me since Tim received his terminal cancer diagnosis. All I can say now is that without her support and advice, I doubt I would still be here. How she did it, I am not sure, I was not the most receptive person to start with. But, Alison stuck with me, both comforting and challenging my perceptions at the same time. I am eternally grateful to her. As I said, mere words are not sufficient.

Secondly, I would like to thank the palliative nursing team members who came out to care for Tim during the last week of his life. Again, I was convinced I could cope and was resistant to Alison’s suggestion to involve them. I could care for Tim, I didn’t need strangers helping. Weeks passed before I finally relented as it dawned on me, I was not coping, caring for Tim’s growing need and getting enough sleep to recharge my own batteries. My unexpected emotion of relief at being able to hand over to someone else took me by surprise. But that first night I slept through for the first time in weeks. All of your nursing staff are ‘Angels’. They didn’t know Tim at all, and yet, their compassion and the care they provided to Tim and I was beyond anything I was expecting. Again, mere words are not sufficient to thank them.

Tim died on the morning of Saturday the 16th of November, with me by his side holding his hand. Few people really appreciate that their actions can impact so much on other people. It is not the big things we do that are important in life, it is the small unsung ones that impact the most.